For Those About to Rock

OK, I'm starting to get family members mocking me for not updating the blog, so I'll post something. Sorry about the delay-- you'd think a two-person blog would be updated a little more frequently. But I rarely have anything to talk about. As for Mike, I think he goes through long stretches where he forgets the blog even exists. Look at his post history-- one post, then five weeks without any, then three in the span of five days, then another month of nada, then four in one week, then another three weeks of zippo. There's a clear pattern here. What it means, I'm not sure exactly. But it's there.

At some point, he and I were going to finish our TV "preview," although that seems like a pointless exercise now that most shows will be going off the air for several months. Damn writers' strike.*

So instead, I'll talk about Rock Band. What an outstanding game. It's never not fun. So many good songs, and only a few crappy ones (I'm looking at you, Vagiant). I'm definitely getting pretty decent at the drums, guitar, and bass (which we pronounce "bahss," like the fish. Ha-ha! We're so clever.). As for the vocals? Notsomuch my cup of tea, for two reasons. Firstly, my lack of singing ability. Secondly, in order to activate Overdrive (which, for the uninitiated, multiplies your point total by 2, 3, or 4 for a little while), you have to SHOUT. I'm not much of a shouter. More of a mumbler. Even if I were getting mugged on the street, I don't think I'd shout for help. I'd be like, "Hey. Quit it. Seriously, not cool, jerk." I think the last time I shouted was when I almost ran into a deer while driving home. It was something like "Gah!" Fortunately, the deer sprinted out of the road. I'm glad that deer had never heard the old cliche about getting frozen in the headlights. Instead, it decided, "Hey look, here are some headlights. Something is clearly coming towards me, so I will dodge." That's a heads-up move. Deer get a bad rap sometimes.

What was I talking about? Oh right-- Rock Band. Yeah, the singing is my weak point. When you think about it, the vocals are the only one of the four "instruments" in the game that actually requires some musical talent. When you're playing the plastic guitars, or the plastic drums, you just hit the buttons as they appear on the screen. You need some sense of rhythm, but you don't need to know what exact notes you're playing. But singing, you gotta be able to carry a tune.

Anyway, Mike and I and various combinations of friends have formed our Rock Band alter egos, the Combo Breakers. I'm not too keen on the band name. I don't even know what it's supposed to mean. In fact, it seems like it's holding us back. In order to rack up big points in the game, you have to hit a lot of notes consecutively. Combinations, you might say. So why would we be the Combo Breakers? Wouldn't that ruin our score? I went along with the name because we'd wasted half an hour debating and I just wanted to play the damn game already. At that point, I would've accepted whatever band name was suggested, even if it were something like, "Paul is a Dumb Butt-Smeller who Likes to Smell His Own Butt."**

I think our band name should've been something Simpsons-related, like "Thrillho" or "The Goggles Do Nothing." There are some funny band names on the online leaderboards. I think my favorite so far is "The Don't Tase Me Bros." Runner-up: "Fagerstrom." (An obscure reference to last year's Conan-O'Brien-Goes-to-Finland special.) But whatever our band is called, we're doing quite well. At last check, we ranked somewhere around #38 online, points-wise. We're #38 out of everyone in the world, people!***

That's all for now. Perhaps Mike will check in with his thoughts when he remembers he has a blog.


(*To be clear, I'm saying, "damn strike," not "damn writers." In fact, from what little I know of the situation, the writers seem to be clearly correct in this case, and the producers seem to be greedy a-holes.)

(**This is not a suggestion for a replacement band name.)

(***Or more accurately, #38 out of everyone in the world who owns Rock Band.)